Spiritual Leadership Principles for Every Christian

Leadership….  what we all need, but no one thinks they are qualified to give.  Ask what qualities most people see or want in a leader…

Knowledge and wisdom

Integrity and honesty

Vision and ideas that inspire people

Engaging personality, a person that most people admire and are drawn to

Strength to make tough decisions, and the ability to handle crisis situations

Now, ask the average person if they possess these qualities and they will say no to some or even all of them.  It follows in their thinking then, that they are not leaders. “I’m not really cut out for that.” “I’m not really leader material, I’ll help, but don’t put me in charge.”

John Maxwell said that “everything rises and falls on leadership”, and there is a lot of truth to that. Our culture, and in particular our churches and homes, are suffering from a lack of the kind of leadership we really need, spiritual leadership.  Not just the top down kind of leadership that most people think about, but the significant role of every Christian to be a spiritual leader to the people around them. The question is what kind of leadership are we giving.  Notice, I said giving, not getting. It is easy for everyone to point the finger at the leader, be it the boss, the pastor, the parent, or the president.   But not everyone wants to embrace their role as a leader.

“I’m not a leader”… is no excuse for not showing spiritual leadership!  Being a spiritual leader, a person who leads others to grow closer to Jesus Christ and deeper in the Spirit has little, or most of the time nothing, to do with a position of leadership.  Read that again and remember, spiritual leadership is not about a position or a title, it is about showing the Holy Spirit through your life so that you help others, that is leading others, to  grow closer to Jesus Christ and have a positive impact on others growing up in Jesus Christ. What I want to explore today is how each of us can take up our mantle of spiritual leadership.

It seems that the one thing that we have become good at in today’s society is making excuses- it’s my parents fault, it’s society’s fault, it’s the government’s fault, it’s my dogs fault…. anytime something goes wrong, we look to point the finger. Unfortunately that has bled into the church as well.  We look at the state of the church today and everyone wants to talk about how bad things have gotten in society, how evil the world is or how anti-Christian the media is, yet we have to heed the words of the apostle Peter…

I Peter 4  15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. 16 Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter. 17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God?

Notice that Peter says that judgment, God’s truthful measure of what is right and wrong, begins with us, His people… not the rest of the world, not the media, not atheists, not muslims. Excuses would point a finger elsewhere, God’s eye however He is looking for each one of us, each follower of Jesus Christ, not to see what our latest excuse is, but to see how each of us are leading spiritually, helping move forward and upward the cause of the Gospel of Christ.

I like Benjamin Franklin’s quote on excuses…

“I have yet to meet a man who is good at making excuses who is good for much of anything else.”

I am fearful that the church has started to fall into the not “good for much of anything else” category. Why? Well, first, its’ not God’s fault!  We have a God that is desiring and able to make the church strong, healthy and effective at impacting society. We have a Savior that is able to cleanse the sins of the worst sinner. We have a Spirit that is able to break down every stronghold, overcome every evil and penetrate every heart. We have lots of Christians, lots of church buildings, lots of church services, lots of a lot of things… so why are we not moving forward in the Kingdom of God in our homes, marriages and churches?  A lack of leadership. A lack of God’s people leading others toward Christ or a deeper relationship with Christ.

Every Christian can be the leader the Kingdom of God has designed them to be, however we first have to embrace a few things to be the…

* Christian leader to our spouse that God desires us to be

* Christian leader as a parent that our children need

* Christian leader to our co-workers that your company has to have

* Christian leader to our fellow church members to help us all make a positive impact

So, how can a person show Christian leadership?  Don’t you have to have a position “up the ladder” or a position that everyone recognizes?  Don’t you have to be an extrovert that talks all the time? Again (and again) the answer is no… being a spiritual leader is not a positional thing, no one votes you into being a spiritual leader, you are a spiritual leader by your nature of being a Christian- that is a person who is indwelt by the Holy Spirit and a follower of Jesus Christ. Being a spiritual leader is not a function of your personality- spiritual leaders can be introverts, extroverts, reverts or whatever other -vert your personality make up may be.

First, remember that this is spiritual leadership… not leadership by personality or knowledge or force or education. The Holy Spirit of God, who dwells in each believer, is what makes you capable and able as a spiritual leader.  To say that you are not a leader is not a comment on your personality as much as it is a comment on what you believe the Holy Spirit can do.  We often talk about God working in us- to heal us, help us, bless us, lead us… but I truly believe that God desires more than to just work in us, filling us with one blessing after another. God desires to work through us, to be a person that He can work through to have a positive impact on the world and lead others closer to Him. Don’t be overly concerned with what you don’t have or feel like you lack in, focus your attention upon what God can do and the fact that He can do those things through you.

Leadership principle for every Christian:   God is working through my life to touch the lives of others and lead them to be close to Him.

Second, spiritual leadership has to do with character, not power.  Our world works under the powers that are in control- government, military, financial institutions or on a smaller scale your boss, your CEO.  To the world, power is leadership and leadership is power. If we take this principle into the spiritual realm, then we must have to be a powerful person in order to be a leader. Our leader, Jesus, said that He was meek, He was a servant, He came to serve many, He came to give His life away… He was powerful, just not in the worldly sense. We too can be powerful. Powerful in Spirit to say no to temptation. Powerful to give our time to serve others rather than taking it all for ourselves. Powerful to give to the less fortunate rather than buying another toy we really don’t need.  We may not see these acts as powerful, in fact some in the world would say it is a sign of weakness, but it shows a strength of character to say yes to the Spirit. When you do, you lead the people around you to see another direction for life, another way to live besides the pressure the world exerts on them each day.

Leadership principle for every Christian:  I can be a powerful person, not because of my personality or position, but by using the choices I make everyday to follow Christ to lead others to be closer to Him.

Thirdly, spiritual leadership is living under the right authority.  ”It’s lonely at the top” refers to the lofty singular position the world puts leaders in, and that is not what many of us think we want for ourselves. Because worldly leaders are the decision-makers and authorities, they are separated and have to be self-sufficient to survive.  Most of us don’t fit or don’t want to fit that category. But spiritual leadership is not the same. In spiritual leadership we work under the authority of God, with the urging and equipping of the person of the Holy Spirit. There is no loneliness in spiritual leadership. Listen the words of a centurion addressing the spiritual leadership of Jesus…

Matt 8  7 And Jesus said to him, “I will come and heal him.” 8 The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” 10 When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!

“Under authority”, the centurion understood that Jesus was not alone and He had companionship for the task given to Him and the one Jesus served had the power to command whatever He wished. We too have to know that what we do in the Kingdom, in our families, in our workplaces, in our church, are not “lonely” activities, but done with and through the Holy Spirit.

Leadership principle for every Christian:  I am not alone as I lead others closer to Christ, but wherever I go and whatever I do, it is under the presence and authority of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, I will not fear the times God allows me to show His grace, forgiveness and power, but I will embrace them as an opportunity to lead others closer to Jesus Christ.

Trust God, focus on others. Spiritual leadership is a demonstration of trust in God to take care of us, so we can give ourselves away to serve and lead others. The world teaches us to take care of #1 (notice number one is never anyone but yourself!).  That kind of attitude demonstrates the great insecurity the world lives under- “if I don’t take care of me, no one will”, “trust no one but yourself”, “no one cares/understands/knows me”, “I have to achieve/earn/take so that I have what I want”.  You cannot lead anyone when you are consumed with caring for yourself, blessing yourself and trying to get for yourself.  Leadership, by nature, is something done on behalf of and for the benefit of others.  As spiritual leaders in your home, your workplace or in your church, we should trust God to care for us in our relationships, monetarily, physically, so we can feel free and unhindered to give ourselves away.   Listen to how Paul puts this principle in 2 Corinthians 9

8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others. 9 As the Scriptures say, “Godly people give generously to the poor. Their good deeds will never be forgotten.” 10 For God is the one who gives seed to the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will give you many opportunities to do good, and he will produce a great harvest of generosity in you. 11 Yes, you will be enriched so that you can give even more generously. And when we take your gifts to those who need them, they will break out in thanksgiving to God.

Leadership principle for every Christian:  I believe that God will supply and support me so that I can feel free to give of myself to lead and serve others so that they draw closer to God. The more I believe God provides for me, the less I try to take from others and the more I give to others.

God has qualified you as a spiritual leader and placed you specifically in your spot- in your workplace, your home, your church- to be a person who helps others draw closer to Christ, to be a leader. You don’t need a lofty position, you just have to be open to allow God to work with and through you.

I heard a story once about a lady who was distressed about her workplace. She was upset because she was the only Christian there and the people she worked with were kind of crude and very “worldly”.  She decided to talk to her pastor about her problem, convinced that she would be told to leave this evil place and go somewhere more suited for her faith. Upon sharing with her pastor all of her difficulties, her pastor responded…

“I am so excited for you!”

“But I am in a lousy place… and there are people all around me who are doing and talking about all kinds of things I don’t like”

“But you are in the perfect place…”

“I can’t be, I am the only Christian there. I don’t have any support…”

“You are the spiritual leader of your workplace. Who else in that company is going to show them the love of Christ?  Who else is going to be there to pray for them? Who else has knowledge of how to get to heaven, how to live with God, how to live a purposeful life in Jesus Christ?  You are their spiritual leader.”

That truth applies to all of us, we are someone’s spiritual leader. Don’t let your home, your workplace or your church suffer from a lack of spiritual leadership. It is up to each of us to take up our mantle of leadership, where we are, in whatever position we are in.  Don’t wait for the people with the titles and the status, be the spiritual leader for those God has placed around you.

10 Principles to Keep Your Marriage Fresh

Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley… married 5 months

Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger… married 4 months

Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman… married 9 days

Brittany Spears and Jason Alexander… married 2 days and 7 hours

Ok, so maybe these are not the best examples of a long marriage. Well they are hardly examples of marriage at all. In this short amount of time you could barely remember each others birthday, much less bond and grow deeply in love.

This past month my wife and I celebrated 18 years of marriage, and yes 18 great years of marriage. Now not all those 18 years were great, there have been some very difficult years in our finances, jobs and the like, but in spite of what life has thrown at us, there have been 18 great years of marriage. Over those years, I have learned a lot about being in a long-term dedicated relationship, which is surprising considering that I was not exactly the marrying type in my younger years. In fact, before I got married I had not been faithful to one single relationship I ever had. Told a lot of girls I loved them, swore up and down they were the only one… sounds like the lyrics to a country song… but I lied. I enjoyed the freedom of doing whatever I wished, the thought of being “tied down” did not greatly appeal to me.

God changed that in me when I came to know Jesus Christ as my savior, my selfishness turned to a desire to love someone the way I saw my mom and dad love one another. They provided me a great example of a loving, dedicated couple. That is something I deeply desire to pass along. In a day and age when marriage is not as celebrated as it once was, is held in disdain by many, when life long love is laughed at by some, and thought to only be a foolish fantasy by others, I love to see dedicated love celebrated.  There is so little of it in the world today, people move between relationships like they change cell phones, looking for a new model every few years.

So how do you keep a marriage fresh?  How does a marriage relationship, a love partnership, last in a time when there is great pressure to get your own way, exert your own rights and not tolerate any shortcomings of your mate?  I would not consider myself to be a counselor, a psychiatrist or a therapist, just a man who loves God and after 18 years still desires to be the best husband my wife could hope for.

So in no particular order, here is what I have learned about keeping a marriage fresh

1) Know this is about love, not needs

So many people are looking for love today- just watch TV. Companies are making a killing hooking people up in relationships- eHarmony, Match.com and others fill the airways promising that you can find that special person to “make your life complete”.  First, I really don’t like the implication that you are somehow less than a complete person if you are not married. Secondly, it makes for a bad marriage if the other person is constantly having to make up for your deficiencies. The Bible says that we are complete in Christ only…

Col 2  8 Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. 9 For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily;10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.

Since we are complete in Christ, a marriage is about loving one another, not getting what you want. There are several inherit problems with looking for your mate to give you what you want or need. First, they will disappoint you. Second, two imperfect people cannot make each other perfect. Third, you put tremendous stress and pressure on your spouse to keep you supported and fulfilled. So if I am looking for my mate to meet my needs, when do I have time to be constantly meeting their needs- it creates a never-ending impossible cycle.

However, if this is about love, several great things follow. I will want to help my spouse, not compelled or guilted into meeting their needs or fulfilling their desires. My spouse will recognize my support as love, not manipulation to get what I want later. We will work together, not just as separate individuals hoping that someone can make me feel better, but there will be a synergy where together we can do more and be more than we can apart. To keep a marriage fresh you can’t bog down the relationship with one person or both people hoping that the other can meet the impossible standard of meeting all my needs.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

2) Seek to bless, not whine

This second principle follows the first very closely. In many couples one of the spouses may feel unfulfilled because there is that desire in them for their spouse to meet their needs, and when they fail… whining follows.  Whining is a result of being self-centered, the belief that the world around us, in a marriage our spouse, owes us something and we better get it. Rita Rudner, a comedian, once said, “marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”  Not exactly what God had in mind. Now realistically, if a marriage works properly, your spouse does have an obligation, to love you, encourage you, be your help-mate, and work with you through times of difficulty. However, there is a difference between seeing that as a part of a loving relationship, and demanding it as a boss would from an employee.

Your mindset cannot be, “what can I get out of this relationship”. If that is you, you are a taker. A taker is a person who drains the other person dry emotionally, spiritually and in some cases financially… and when the well runs dry, they complain that their spouse does not do enough for them. Takers are toxic to a marriage.  If that is the case, you are doomed for disappointment and if carried far enough, marriage failure.

Instead, don’t sit back and wait for your spouse to fulfill you, seek to be a blessing to them.  The Bible tells us that God has designed us to be givers- do good and share, bless one another, encourage one another, and many other things we are supposed to do for one another.  A marriage that is fresh will be with two people who desire more to bless one another than to whine about what the other is not doing for them.
Whining does not encourage your spouse, you may guilt them into doing something for you, but at what cost? With what motivation?

3) Speak well always, not gossip

This has got to be my number one pet peeve when it comes to a married couple.  Simply put, do not talk down about your spouse in public.  It seems like everyone likes to complain, and when one person starts, others have to top how awful their life is or how bad their situation is or how disappointing their spouse is. Now some people would say that this is just innocent talk, just banter at the water cooler or just identifying with their co-workers or friends.  But innocent talk gets repeated, repeated talk develops attitudes and attitudes turn into stances or strongholds.

If your conversations with your friends, co-workers, neighbors or church family are always of a negative nature about your spouse, guess what people will begin to believe about your spouse- negative things.  That’s when those strange conversations take place- “well your husband said that you were struggling at work”… you think, well when did he say that and what did he mean?  “Your wife says that you have trouble controlling the kids”.  You begin to wonder what else your wife has said about your parenting.  Then trouble ensues.

I have made it a principle to never talk about my wife in a negative way in front of people. First I feel like it is a betrayal of trust. If I have a problem with something she is doing, I need to talk to her about it, not the rest of the world. Secondly I expose her to ridicule with others by opening up her faults and waving them in front of others to see and hear. It doesn’t matter whether I am around other men who are complaining about their wives, that does not give me permission to run her into the ground as well.   Neither one of those things are an expression of love, neither do they help build trust and encourage openness between spouses.  If a spouse feels like every mistake they make is going to be trotted before their friends and planted like a billboard in front of their life, the likelihood of a strong, close, open relationship takes strong downward turn.

To keep a marriage fresh your spouse has to believe that you will be there for them, not looking for some juicy bit of gossip to pass along.  They need to believe that you will love them through their faults and problems, not denigrate them in front of your friends.  Speak well of your spouse and it will build confidence and intimacy in your relationship.

4) Surprise and improvise, not just routine

Mother’s day weekend 2002… my wife was fascinated with the new PT Cruisers that had come out. The car was a little out of our price range to buy, but not out of my price range to rent for a weekend.  It was one of those presents that made her happy, made a memory for her. She would have loved a sweater or nice smelling bath products, she would have enjoyed any number of her favorite things. But every once in a while, you need to be a little surprising, and driving around in a cobalt blue PT Cruiser for the weekend was a hit. It was one of those little things that keeps it fresh and exciting along with a little wonder in the relationship.

Routine is a great thing, it is dependable, comforting, and familiar, but a little razzle dazzle is also a good thing!  I love the fact that she has no idea what I will come up with for a present for her. I love the fact that she can’t guess what it will be.  How do you do this? Listen. Pay attention to the little things you hear in conversations, while you are watching TV or at the mall. File those things away, and pull one out every so often and pull a surprise. This is one place that knowing your spouse’s love language can be important. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is a terrific study and helpful to know how your spouse feels love.

The point is to keep up expressions of love, in small surprising ways. Some people think that only the big things count- a weekend trip, a big diamond ring… but it is the small, spontaneous, unexpected things that keep a marriage fresh. I knew of one man who every week sent his wife flowers at work on Friday. She loved it, she loved getting them, she felt loved.  We were talking about this and he was worried that he was keeping this up, but that it was growing old. So I made a simple suggestion, rather than having them delivered to her office, why don’t you take a half a day off, deliver them yourself and take her to lunch.  It was a big hit, she was surprised, he was happy that she was so excited.  Those kinds of things keep a relationship from losing its’ edge.

5) See beauty, not faults

It’s easy to see the faults in others. Jesus mentioned this when he said to take care of the plank in your own eye before you pointed out the speck in your brothers eye.  We are filled with faults, physical ones, emotional ones and even spiritual ones. Yet a marriage can never be built by trying to fix the faults in your spouse.

Many stories have been told of spouse who marry someone figuring that they will “fix” their spouse along the way. Now, what would it sound like if we said that out loud. “Yes, I’ll marry you, but I’ll need to fix some things about your personality and get you to lose a little weight in order for you to really be right for me.”  What happens after three or four years when they still have those personality quirks and they have gained a few pounds- resentment. No matter how much beauty there is in someone, fault finders will always resent the other person not changing to their liking. And by the way, a person who is a fault-finder will always find faults to fix, it is a cycle that never completes and does not have a happy ending.

On the other hand, a person who looks for beauty in their spouse will assume, know and not be surprised or disappointed in the faults of their spouse. Why?  Because we all have them. If we all have faults, and you can’t build a marriage on fixing faults, look for the beauty in your spouse. I tell my wife that she is the prettiest woman I have ever seen, that I can find her in a crowded room by simply looking for the most beautiful woman there.  Because in my eyes, there is not a more beautiful woman. Do I care what others might think? No. Do I care if someone else thinks that blondes are more beautiful? No.  In my eyes, when I look at her, she captures my attention like no other.

I find beauty in who she is, in all the good things that she does, and all the good qualities that she has. Could I sit down and pick her apart and make her feel bad for things that she does wrong, yes. Could she do the same to me, yes. But what good would that do. What would that accomplish but to build mistrust and tear down the others self-worth. I want her to know that she is not just special, but priceless, irreplaceable.  A few years ago for our anniversary I sat down a wrote out a David Letterman Top 10 list… but this list was the top 10 reasons I loved my wife. Some of them were kind of cute, some had to do with how she was with our kids, some has to do with her Christian walk, but all of them pointed out her beauty, the inner beauty and her outer beauty.  She keeps that by her bedside.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.  ~Doug Larson

6) Find ways to serve, not expect service

Jesus said that He came to the earth not to be served, but to serve (Matt 20:28). Now if the King of Kings, the one who is truly worthy of all service, came to this earth and served us, we certainly are called and commanded to serve one another, and that includes a marriage.  To serve your spouse may seem to some a very old-fashioned concept, not very empowering  and downright offensive to others. But, if we don’t have a heart to serve our spouse, what options are left?  The option, and one that we see among many today, is that we are here to be served, taken care of.  That attitude first of all is not a Christian attitude. To set yourself up in the high place, expecting service, does not come from the Holy Spirit.

A heart to serve your spouse is not a sign of weakness, but love.  Serving one another by helping your spouse advance in their career, doing the wash when it is not your turn, taking the kids out to eat so your spouse can have a little quiet time- these are not weak moments, but strong moments of selfless love.  Remember what Paul tells us in Galatians…

Gal 5  13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature rather, serve one another in love.

A marriage that is fresh will be one where both spouses seek to serve one another out of love.  Don’t worry about it being one-sided. “Well, what if they don’t serve me like I serve them?”  Then you are not really serving out of love, but out of manipulation. Selfless service gives because it wants to, not looking for what it will get back. (read Luke 14:11-14 for what Jesus says about serving others who do not and cannot repay you)

7) Flexibility- either roll with the punches or run into a wall

Life tends to be very unforgiving. Difficulties of many types will beset your marriage finances, job loss, medical problems- and your relationship needs to be flexible enough to change to meet the times you are in. For the first years we were married I was in school, getting my Masters degree, my wife worked and supported us.  Then I graduated and got a job, our income increased our responsibilities increased, we had more money and had to be responsible with what we had. Then came kids, we adopted 2 boys, and man did life change then. As a couple we had to adjust to different responsibilities, less time together, less freedom.

Flexibility allows a marriage to stay fresh and close as life changes around you. The other option is to allow each episode in life to cause problems, to complain about a lack of time together or a lack of money or having to be tied down with the kids.  I watched my parents relationship change when my mom got sick. They couldn’t travel anymore or do the things they were doing in retirement, but they were flexible, made the best of the situation and continued to love one another through life’s challenges.

As life changes, you have to adapt. Why do many relationships end after a job loss, the arrival of a child, financial issues… because one partner could not adapt to the new reality. A relationship cannot be fresh if you have one partner who resents your bills, the fact you can’t afford what you could afford two years ago, constantly complains about your change in schedule, and so on. That kind of complaining and inflexibility can demoralize your spouse, who can feel like they have failed you somehow. No, your relationship will not be like it was. The point is to be flexible enough to make it better no matter what has taken place.

Here’s the question… do you truly love your spouse or do you love the lifestyle you live?  My spouse needs to know that I love her, and am flexible enough to love her as life changes.

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. Paul Sweeney

8) Money is a tool, not who rules

Ah, now to money. The number one cause of marital break up is issues relating to money- who makes it, how to spend it, bills to pay and so forth. This principle is very simple- take care of your money, don’t think your money takes care of you. When money becomes king in a household, that house is headed for trouble. Why? Isn’t money important? Frankly, no. Money doesn’t make me love my wife, money didn’t make me fall in love with her and most of all money isn’t the God who led me to marry her. Money is a tool in our hands, not the crown and scepter that have authority over my marriage.

Perspective is everything here.  The money that you make is a blessing from God, He is the one who gives you “power to get wealth” (Deut 8:18).  It is unfortunate that the very thing God intends as a blessing to us, we turn into a destructive force to split apart marriages and families.  I have lived through very tough times financially, very lean times where we could not afford to do much other than barely pay our bills and eat at home. Just like with other things we have talked about, this is a choice.  Choose a money policy for your marriage- how will you make large financial decisions, give yourselves an allowance to each have some spending money, how often will you go out to eat and so on. Stick to it. But most of all, remember, the reason you got married was not to get rich or because you thought it made good financial sense… at least I hope not… you got married because you were in love. To keep a marriage fresh, money has to serve you, not you serve your money.  Whether you have a little or a lot, make a conscious decision that money will never come between you and your spouse.

9) Talk is gold, not cheap

Communication- the second biggest reason that couples end up splitting… they don’t communicate. Now guys, I know that some of us are not great at “communicating our feelings”, and this is not meant to make you feel less than manly, but you have to open up to your spouse. Ladies, talking to your girlfriends about your husband is not the same as having good communication with your husband.

Good communication is born out of trust.  Trust your spouse enough to talk, about more than the weather, politics or what is happening at work. Talk about how you see things in life, talk about how God is working in your life, talk about what you are praying for, talk about how things make you feel, talk about your past, talk about your fears, your dreams… just talk. Some would say that talk is cheap, that action is the only thing that counts. To keep a marriage fresh, to keep it up-to-date, your communication has to keep up with where you are as a person. If you are feeling stress, don’t wait until it boils over into an action that you will regret. Talk it out, share how you are feeling, so that if the stress does get to you and you do boil over, at least your spouse will know where you are coming from. Good communication will lead to fewer problems, and if you do have a problem, easier and quicker solutions.

10) Two become one, not three or four

One of the most basic scriptures in the Bible that talks about marriage comes from Genesis 2

23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

The idea is that in marriage the two people, the male and the female, are joined in a union by God in which they become one.

This same idea is carried over into our salvation. Listen to what Paul says in I Corinthians 6. He is teaching on righteousness, that a righteous person cannot be joined to unrighteousness, because He is one with the Lord.

15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! 16 Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” 17 But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

These are the only relationships that we, inside, become one with. Our spouse and God. Outwardly we become one with the body of Christ, but inwardly it is God and our spouse. These are the two closest and dearest and important relationships we have. Now let me be very blunt here… you do not become one with your children and no they are not a more important relationship that your marriage relationship. Too many today have this completely backwards, we become one with our children and put our spouse on the back-burner.  The best thing you can do for your children is to show them a strong, healthy, loving and fresh marriage relationship.

If you are too busy with your kids to have time and energy to be intimate with your spouse, it is your kids who have to give, not your spouse. If you are too emotionally drained from dealing with children to be supportive of your spouse, then it is time to prioritize who you give your emotional energy to. Is it hard to do this?  No. As someone has so rightly said, “my kids are with me for 20 years, I have to live with my spouse for a lifetime.”  Yet too many marriages are sent into near disrepair because one or both spouses are too focused on children, and ignore the very person that they are one with.

To keep a marriage fresh, keep your priorities right- God and spouse, those that you are one with, those that your heart and spirit are joined to, the relationships that will help you keep all other relationships strong… then your kids.

May your marriage be a blessed place of freshness and life. If you are looking for a spouse, may these things energize you and encourage you to build a lasting marriage.  God’s best to all.

How Do I Study the Bible?

God’s Word

The Holy Bible

It can sound intimidating– studying the Bible, knowing God’s Word. It can sound like you need to have an extra special education, be a monk or speak in several languages… or maybe even know the secret handshake to figure this out.  As a pastor I have heard many people talk about their lack of understanding of the Bible, their confusion about how to study it or understand it.

Many people are intimidated when it comes to reading the Bible. They hear pastors and teachers teach, and think “how could they know all that stuff”.  There are terms that we don’t use in our everyday language today- propitiation, sanctification, not to mention all the -ology’s (soteriology, ecclesiology, etc).  Then there are places that seem strange and hard to place- Where is Bethel?  Where is Elam on a map?  How about all those strange nations and people who are mentioned- Philistines, Hittites, Edomites… and all the other -ites.   To many, understanding the Bible is like a foreign language, trying to understand something from another world… and in some ways it is.

The Bible is a spiritual book, authored by and understood by the Holy Spirit.  For some that is not helpful because they are unsure about the Holy Spirit, but hang with me.

The Holy Bible (Bible is a french word for book) is a book about God’s character, His actions and His expectations for man. Yes there is a lot that is foreign to us in our modern, particularly American, culture. But the encouraging thing here is that the intent of the Bible, the reason we read it and study it is not to know who the Hittites were or what propitiation means… it is to know the God the Bible talks about.

Jesus looked at the religious leaders of His day and told them that they had missed the entire purpose for God’s Word…

John 5  39 You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, 40 yet you refuse to come to me to have life.

The Scriptures were really about Him, not the words on the page, not the people, places or things in the Word of God.  Not that those things are not important, just that they are not the primary purpose.  The same is true for us today, we have to approach the Bible, not for the sake of knowing the Bible as a book, but so that we can get to know God.  So don’t allow all the things you don’t know or don’t understand keep you from opening and reading your Bible, come to it with the intent that you are here, with Bible open, so that you can get to know God better, understand the teachings of God better so you can follow Him closer.

So now that we have got the Bible open, what’s next?

Over the years I have answered a lot of questions about Bible study, a lot of questions that people were really kind of afraid to ask, after all, aren’t Christians and church people supposed to know how to study the Bible?  So, while to some of you this may seem simplistic, here are some answers to common questions about Bible study…

1) How much am I supposed to read at a time?

I have heard a lot of answers to this question- a chapter a day, whatever is in the devotional you are using, etc..  Well, let’s go back to the purpose for Bible study- to get to know God.  Read until you come across something that teaches you something interesting, profound, challenging or encouraging about God. That may be a few verses, a chapter or two or three chapters. There is no contest to see how much of the Bible you read, the important (read vital) part of reading the Bible is to draw closer to God, to fall more in love with God.

God is concerned not with volume but quality. He wants you to get to know Him through His Word, and He delights in teaching us who He is. Read these verses below and make this your approach to reading the Bible…

Psalm 119  12 Praise be to you, O LORD; teach me your decrees.

Psalm 25  4 Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. 5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.

So each time you pick up the Bible to read, read until God speaks to you, are drawn to a phrase or verse or story, and spend some time reading it over a few times, letting the words sink into your mind and heart. If you feel like you only read a few verses, remind yourself of the purpose- I am here to get to know God, and He spoke to me. If you feel like to had to read a lot to get something, remind yourself of the purpose- I am not here to read a little or a lot of the Bible, I am here to get to know God.   And spend a few moments thanking God for teaching you about Himself.

2) How do I understand what it says, so much of this seems hard to get?

First of all, you’re right, the Bible can be hard to understand and apply to our lives. The Bible is a spiritual book, written by men through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit…

2 Peter 1  20 Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation. 21 For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

So we are dealing with the supernatural acts, thoughts and character of God. God spoke to the prophet Isaiah and told him that man’s ways were not naturally our ways…

Isaiah 55  8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. 9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.

This seems like an impossible barrier to overcome. It would be like someone like me being told to read a nuclear physics book and understand it. Their ways are not mine, I don’t know how it works, how to define their terms or even how a clue as to how a nuclear reaction really works. What I would need is a teacher… and so God provides the perfect teacher for us to understand His ways.

Our teacher is the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God who comes to live in every believer. And yes, the same Holy Spirit that inspired the men who wrote the Bible. Nothing like the author of the book being your teacher of the book.

John 14  26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.

So how do we understand what the Bible says?  We listen to our teacher. The Holy Spirit can reveal the meaning of things to us, as we need them, as we need to hear and know them. He does not give us instant understanding of everything in the Bible. Like a good teacher he shows us what is next, what we need, what we can bear, what we can grasp.  Read the passage below and realize that you will never know God’s things by just being able to understand, you have to be taught by the only one who really knows, the Holy Spirit…

1 Corinthians 2   9 But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”  10 But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. 11 For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God. 13 These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy  Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

So when you read the Bible, first get ready to get to know God, not just the words on the page, and second pray and ask the Holy Spirit to teach you what you are going to read.  Now the Spirit may also use a Sunday School teacher or a pastor or another Christian to help you understand a passage or a word, so here is part of my “best advice” for understanding the Bible- ask questions, lots and lots of questions.

When I first came to know Christ, I had very little Bible knowledge. I didn’t know the difference between Galatians and Genesis, between Joshua and Joseph, between… well, you get the idea.  I did however attend a Sunday School class and our Bible Study on Wednesday night, and before, during and after, I would pepper my teachers with questions. Not because I was obnoxious, which I am sure in some ways I was, but because I wanted to know.  And they were great in helping me to understand.  If you have questions, find someone you can ask them of- a pastor, a Bible Study teacher or if you wish email me (pluslife.ministry@gmail.com) and I will be glad to help you.  But please ask. The Holy Spirit has given many in people in the Body wisdom and understanding and they would be glad to help.

3) But there is so much I don’t understand, it seems frustrating?

Without being sarcastic, welcome to the club!  Because the Bible is a spiritual book, written by God, there is not a person on this planet who can explain everything in it in perfect form and know everything about God. God is too big to be outlined, flow-charted, cliffs noted, and put into your pocket.  Everyone who reads the Bible struggles with understanding what it says, what it means, how to put what they read into practice. Don’t be intimidated by people who seem to know a lot about the Bible, no one just knows this stuff or is just smart at it. Everyone, whether they have a college education or a fifth-grade education, has to learn through the Holy Spirit teaching them. No one has a leg up on knowing the Bible, everyone is dependent on the Holy Spirit to give them understanding.

The point is not what you don’t know, the point is to gain something you need to know.  Too many people look at the Bible like another subject. I want to learn math so I read, do problems and there you go… I know algebra.  Christianity and living the Christian life is not like that.  The depth of what you can know and learn is infinite, because it is not the 66 books of the Bible you are seeking to know, it is God Himself, and He is God without end, infinite in love, power, forgiveness, hope, grace and mercy.  We have a hard time picturing the infinite in our mind.  What is something like that has no end?  That is what it is like to try to know God, there is never an end to His greatness.

So don’t concern yourself with your lack of knowledge or understanding of a certain part of the Bible.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, is constantly in a learning process when it comes to studying the Bible (any of you who would like to give encouragement to others about this leave a comment on the bottom).  Just engage yourself in the process and read your Bible, what you don’t understand, let it be OK. There is more than enough to learn and know, you will get around to the rest. Listen to the Spirit and learn what you can this day.

4) Where do I start?

If you are just starting to read the Bible, I would suggest you start with one of the first 4 books of the New Testament. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are what is called the Gospels. These are the books about the life, teaching, death and resurrection of Jesus. John can be a little easier or Luke. but these are usually a good place to start reading.

5) What version of the Bible should I read?

A loaded question for sure. There is some controversy in the church today about Bible versions, not as much as there used to be, but still some people like some versions better than others. This answer is not a ringing endorsement of any particular version just a short thought on some of the more popular versions-

King James- traditional version used in the church for many years. Written in Olde English- thee, thou, knowest, etc. If you find this lyrical and have a high reading level, you might find this enjoyable.

New King James- basically the same as the King James with all of the Olde English removed. This is the Bible version that I normally preach from. Very readable and understandable.

New International Version- written in modern English and the most popular version on the market

New Living Translation- this is a version where all of the more difficult words and concepts are broken down into easy to understand English.

If you would like to compare versions, my suggestion would be to go to http://www.biblestudytools.com and read a passage in the several different versions that they have online.

6) Should I have a reading system or a devotional to use?

If you find this helpful to keep you reading on a regular basis, by all means use one.  Here is one caution however, remember the point is for you to get to know God and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you each time you open the Bible. Reading a short scripture and a devotional thought does not mean that God has spoken to you. If you read your passage and devotion and are unmoved, and the Spirit is silent, keep reading or pick another book or chapter to read as well. Don’t stop just because that is what the devotional said to read for today.

7)  Are there some other books that would be helpful to me in studying the Bible?

There are a few things that would be helpful. First, a good study Bible would be helpful. This is a Bible that has cross-references so you can see other passages in the Bible that deal with the same subject you are reading about, it also has study notes at the bottom of the page to help you understand.  There are a few ones that I recommend…

The Life Application Study Bible- good study Bible with notes on how to apply what you read

Quest Study Bible- good for the first time Bible reader

NIV Study Bible- solid study Bible with lots of cross references and notes

Experiencing God Study Bible- great Bible that helps you connect with God (out-of-print but you can find them on Amazon or other used book sites)

Secondly, and these are just suggestions: Manners and customs of the Bible (typical reference book that helps you to understand time period places, people and things), Strong’s Concordance (look up words and where they are used in the Bible), Bible Dictionary.  All of these references can be found in Bible study software that I would strongly encourage you can purchase.  Check here for different versions and prices on the software.

I would like to end our blog with a prayer for you as you look to get more out of your Bible reading or would like to start…

Our Heavenly Father you are a great God, a God worth knowing and knowing better each day. Help us as we open your Word, your Word that you have left us to bring us and you closer together. Lord there is much that we do not know and much that we do not understand, please fill us with your Holy Spirit, our teacher and guide, so that we can be excited, uplifted, challenged, corrected and encouraged by what we learn each day.

Blessings on you as the Bible in your house gets opened more and the pages of it become more of a friend to you.  We will do more on How to Study the Bible in a later post.

The Faith Equation

The Faith Equation

I have always wondered exactly how God measured faith.  The Bible says that God has given to each one a measure of faith. Jesus said that people had “great” faith and “little” faith.

We think about great and little… in terms of money, status (the little people), height, talent (she has great ability), etc.  The idea is that some have more than others  or can do more than others.

What about faith?  Faith seems so hard to measure or the understand. It seems mystical and hard to grasp. But Jesus  measured it, quantified it, so there must be some way to understand how we are doing with our faith.

Now the title of the blog is “The Faith Equation”, but I am no mathematician. In fact I believe part of the reason I went to seminary was that I only had to be able to count to three: Father, Son & Holy Spirit.  That is about the extent of my math prowess.

The purpose of this is to sort through some of my own thoughts about faith because it seems that so many, including me, struggle with understanding their own “level” of faith.  As a pastor I have heard numerous times, in numerous forms, this idea. People are unsure if they can take on a position of responsibility because they don’t feel “right” about their walk with God. People feel overwhelmed by their problems because they struggle to feel like they have “enough” faith to have a proper walk with God.  People feel small and insignificant because they feel as though they don’t “measure up” to others in the church who make the Christian life look easy and fun.

First let’s get this out of the way- there is not a single Christian that goes through life without struggles in this area, searching out God for help, feeling like life is too big for them, dealing with painful experiences… and wondering about their faith. If anyone tells you that they have never doubted, never questioned, never felt inadequate, then I am wondering if they are really trying to live their Christian life at all.

To understand our level of faith we first have to understand that faith, the trust that God is who He says He is and can do the things He says He can do, is something that ebbs and flows, rises and falls, and must be worked on to be maintained. Just like in any relationship, as we go through issues, situations, circumstances, there can be conflict, questions, frustrations, and so it is with us and our Heavenly Father.  Faith however, is the ability, throughout life, to maintain a relationship with God and continue to love and believe God.

Faith can be hard, mainly because it is impossible for it to be easy!   Why?  Because our heart cannot conceive of God’s ways on its’ own. Our wisdom cannot understand God by itself. We don’t have the capacity to grasp God, and flow chart His character, sound bite His ways and cliff notes His works.  By ourselves we struggle to “get” God. God says…

Isaiah 55 8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. 9 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.

Faith requires us to get outside of ourselves and look beyond just what we can think or believe. In talking with people about forgiveness I have heard, “but you don’t know what I have done, how can God forgive me?”.  Their struggle is in believing the depths of God’s forgiveness, the incredible abundance of God’s mercy.

Psalm 40  5 Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works Which You have done; And Your thoughts toward us Cannot be recounted to You in order; If I would declare and speak of them, They are more than can be numbered.

God is simply bigger, greater, deeper and higher that we can understand on our own. That is where faith comes in.

God says He is holy, morally perfect and without sin or fault. Now we have never seen anyone like this. Our mothers and fathers may be good, really good, but not perfect. We have known people who thought they were always right, but we know that they are not. So, in order to believe in a God who is perfect, it takes us outside of our experience. Do we believe in a God who is perfect, even though we have never seen any perfect person?

God says that He is all-powerful. We have seen powerful people come and go on this earth. We have seen powerful nations that were powerless to stop bad things from happening.  Powerful, wealthy people have ended up broke and jobless. How can we grasp a God who is all-powerful, able to do whatever He wants, whenever He wants?

Faith is the belief that God is who He says He is and can do the things He says He can do.

I believe that God is Holy, not because I have such great experience with being Holy nor because I have been around so many people who were morally perfect, but because I trust that God is who He says He is. God has a track record of demonstrating His holiness and holding people accountable to His high standards.

I believe that God is all-powerful, not just because I can conceive of having the power to do as I wish. Even my childhood hero Superman was not all-powerful, kryptonite was his undoing. But God proclaimed that He is the almighty, that nothing is too hard for Him. God has restrained His power at times, and He has used it when no one thought He would work, created miracles out of disaster and generally has shown that He has the power to do as He pleases, when He pleases. Do I fully understand God’s power?  No. Do I get the full picture of all that God could do?  No. But I believe that God is who He says He is, the Almighty God.

So the first part of our faith equation is that we believe that God is who He says He is and that He can do all that He says He can do.

The second part of the equation involves my actions and decisions. Am I basing my decisions and actions on the character of God or upon my own circumstances or understanding?

In order for us to have “great” faith, our decisions and actions must be based on our belief in who God is and what He can do.  The gospels give us an example of this

Matt 8   5 Now when Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, 6 saying, “Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, dreadfully tormented.” 7 And Jesus said to him, “I will come and heal him.” 8 The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.” 10 When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!… 13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you.” And his servant was healed that same hour.

The Centurion based his actions on what he believed about Jesus. He believed that Jesus had the power to simply speak a word, without being at his house, and the servant would be healed. So his request reflected that belief. He was confident is his request, understanding Jesus’ authority to do great things. His belief in who Jesus was and what Jesus could do, drove his actions.  Jesus described this as great faith.

Take this into our world today. When we have a decision to make, a situation that needs God’s attention, are we like the Centurion, believing that God can do as He pleases or…  are we, and I am not trying to be nice here, whiny, begging, needy, whimpering at the slightest inconvenience. Does trouble or pain cause us to believe that God has left us, forsaken us in our time of need?  Does difficulty cause us to doubt God’s goodness and love or His power to do anything about our situation?

Shortly after Jesus proclaimed the great faith of the Centurion, we see the opposite end of the spectrum with His own disciples…

Matt 8   23 Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. 24 And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. 25 Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” 26 But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. 27 So the men marveled, saying, “Who can this be, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

Look at the difference in the disciples reaction and the Centurion’s.  The Centurion was confident, believing that the situation could be changed. The disciples were in fear, knowing that the worst was about to happen, then surprised when Jesus did something about it. Their fear, their unbelief, their surprise that God was able, was described as “little faith”.  They did not base their actions on God’s power or God’s ability, but upon their own circumstances, maybe upon their own past experiences as fishermen. Before you begin to excuse them as just being in a panic, in a tight spot, this was Jesus’ assessment of their faith. He has judged that they lacked faith. If we only discern the level of our faith in easy situations, then we all would probably have great faith, the problem is little of life is left to easy situations.

If we have great faith, then we live in expectation of what God can do, we look for it, long for it and pray believing it. If we have little faith, then we live from moment to moment based on our opinions, our experiences, our past, our pessimism and fail to take into account what God can do and could do at any moment.  The Centurion believed what Jesus could do, even though I am sure he had never seen anyone healed that way. The disciples didn’t believe probably because they had heard of a lot of people drowning at sea in storms.

When we look at the things we are going through, we will have times of doubt, of wonderment, of frustration, but our attention has to return to God, to His ability to handle a situation, to His unending love for us and care for us.  Great faith is more than just believing something about God, it overlaying that knowledge on top of our life and basing our decisions and actions upon that belief.  Life if full of decisions, large and small, it is full of actions and interactions with people. How we live these things out– in fear or in faith, in distress or in confidence– measures our faith.

For those who struggle with faith, to believe that you can or to believe that things will change, turn your attention God-ward.  Look at the example of the Centurion, and express your belief in what God can do.  Maybe you have never seen a situation like yours turn around or be solved, but God is the specialist in the “never before seen”.  That is the essence of faith, believing in what has not been seen (see Hebrews 11:1). That is not crazy, it is not mere wishful thinking, it is the expectation that God has for our faith.

While we struggle with “little faith” at times, let us aspire to “great faith” believing in a great God.

Finding a little more joy in our Christianity

“The Joy of the Lord is our Strength”

“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it”

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,”

As believers in Jesus Christ, one of the main things that is to mark our life is joy. When the fruits of the Spirit are listed in Galatians 5, joy is the second one on the list, right behind love. Joy is a quality of our life that comes from a relationship with Christ. As people who have had our past forgiven, our future secured and our present marked by the presence of God in our life- joy should be a major part of our character.

So…. why is it that so many people and so many churches are not marked by joy?  Why is there more backbiting, ill-will and complaining than there is rejoicing? Why are Christians not known for their joy? How can we really have love without having great joy?  I love my wife, and it gives me great joy to be in love. I love my kids, and they bring me a lot of joy. If we love God, why do we not have great joy?  Let’s explore a few possibilities…

We lack spiritual life

This is the most obvious, if we were people filled with the Spirit we would display the fruit of the Spirit. Simple, but powerful. The Spirit, when He works through us, will bring joy into our lives. A kind of permanent expectation of good and anticipation of blessing, the feeling that even when things are not right, I am safe, content and full. James says to “count it all joy brethren when you face various trials…”, and so many fuss and fume at this verse because they are not happy.  But we misread the verse, it does not say be happy, it says to account for every situation in life with joy. We can use the fruit of joy as you walk through every situation in life. And that joy can only come through a life filled with the Holy Spirit of God.

We have often confused the American way of life with our Christian walk. We seem to understand our Christianity in the same way we evaluate our success in life. If we have stuff, then we are content, happy. If we have what the TV says we should have, then we are alright. If we can keep up with our friends and complain about those who have more, then all is right with the world. We stress out when we don’t have what we think we “ought” to have or can’t afford what we want. Satisfaction or joy equals having- having things, having status, having a raise, having the ability to buy… God says that joy, the fulfilling kind of joy that floods our hearts, comes from Him.

Is it any wonder then when people come into the church, and rather than adding to the joy of the gathering of God’s people, they bring their worldly frustration with them. hey come in not quite satisfied in life, and since they can’t get what they want out of the world, they demand that the church make them happy. Here is what is sounds like…

“If you don’t sing _________ music, I’m leaving”

“Don’t move my Sunday School class, we like our room”

“Nobody came to visit me (usually meaning that only two or three came or the “right” people didn’t come)”

“I don’t like how we’ve changed  ___________________ (name your issue)”

There are numerous ways we say it, but it all means the same thing. If the church, the people, the processes, the organization, doesn’t fulfill me, then I will just not be a happy camper. Too many church-going people are empty vessels, grasping at any straw for the church to make them happy in this world. But that is not the purpose of the church. It is our personal spiritual life, our intimate walk with God, that is meant to flow joy into our life. Our relationship with God, the filling of the Holy Spirit, is the key.

When the prodigal son departed his father’s house, he squandered his life on wild living thinking that it would bring him happiness. Eventually the Bible says that he “came to himself”, it might better be understood that he be-came sick of himself and his pursuits to find happiness.  He thought that if he just went back to his father and became a servant that he would be happier than where he found himself in life. If today you find yourself trying to grab ahold of happiness or joy by filling yourself with the world, then think of the prodigal son– you really would be happier being a servant in your Heavenly Father’s house.  That relationship with the Father is what would bring him joy, it did not matter the position, just a relationship would solve the problem. The same is true of us today, our relationship with the Father is the key to joyful living.

Self versus Serving

It was my first Sunday at the first full-time church I pastored out of seminary. I had just preached my first sermon and was standing at the door receiving people when a man walked up and said just as flatly and as deadpan as he could, “I’d hate to have your job, trying to keep this bunch happy. I wish you well.”.  Since there were another twenty to thirty people behind him, I shook his hand graciously and muttered something about him praying for me and went on. That afternoon I thought about what he said, and it disturbed me. Was it really my job to try to “keep this bunch happy”?  It had never really occurred to me that it was the job of the pastor to keep people happy.

Jesus never tried to keep people happy. He called them to follow, pray, serve, but never did He change His mission to keep folks happy, in fact it never really seemed to concern Him all that much when people chose to not follow Him. I am sure it did at some level, but you never saw him beg or plead for people to stay with Him.

Our world is rife with the entitlement mentality, the idea that people are entitled to the American dream of home ownership, a car to drive, a good income, free this and free that. We feel like we are owed… by somebody. When we carry this mentality into the church, then we feel like the church owes us, or more realistically God owes us- a short worship service, low requirements, no demands on my giving, get my way with things…. after all God should be happy that we attend church.

When we are demanding, we are rarely happy.  Ever heard an eight-year-old whine for something in a store- do they sound happy?  Are they filled with joy?  And when they get whatever they are whining for… does the whining end there?  No, it just encourages them to whine for the next thing, figuring that they will get their way.

If you find yourself being a person that asks a lot from the world around you, feeling that you are owed happiness… then you will be a person who is rarely full of joy. On the flip side, if you are a person who is willing to serve others, give to others the way Jesus did, you will find the joy you are looking for.

I have often heard Jesus described with the words from Isaiah, that He was a “man of sorrows”. People use this to justify their own dour outlook on life and their refusal to be satisfied with anything. Yes, Jesus was a person acquainted with sorrows, and pain, and sadness… but look at Hebrews 12

2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

The “joy set before Him”…. those are amazing words, and considering that we are talking about the cross, the death penalty. they are even more amazing. He found joy, looked forward to joy, as He served sinful people by dying their death on a cruel cross so that they could experience life, peace… and joy. He counted it joy. He looked through the lens of His relationship with the Father and saw that serving others would bring them, and Him, the greatest amount of joy. His alternative was to, as the Devil tried to tempt Him to do, take on the earth as His Kingdom. Rather than self, He served. And He found great joy.

We can experience the same. If we demand less and give more. If we expect fewer things and give more things. If we talk a little less and listen a little more. If we can concern ourselves more with what we give to others rather than what others give us. If we can share more and take less.  Then we will find the joy our life is intended to have, because we will truly have found the joy of sharing in the life of Jesus.

Listen to the words from James 4, it spells out rather clearly why so many churches are not in unity, not filled with joy…

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

What causes the disunity and lack of joy… desires, wants, coveting, wrong motives, selfishness.  The world tells us that to be happy you have to take care of #1 first and foremost- get what you want, any way you have to get it, and happiness will be yours. God says that way of thinking will only lead to a lack of satisfaction, fractures in your relationships, disunity with your family in Christ, and a lack of blessing from Him.

The church should be the most joyful place on earth. We should be more joyful and happier than the folks in the bars, the people who go fishing on Sunday morning, the success seeker who just got a raise because they stabbed their co-worker in the back….   where is the joy of the Lord?  And, listen, if we don’t exhibit joy in our life, why would that guy want to stop fishing on Sunday morning?  Would you want to give  up something that made you happy to join a group of people who act as if they are generally unhappy?

Our joy can be a great witness to a world that is dying for a taste of what it means to be happy. Reclaim the joy that is yours. Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit and let the fruit of joy flow through your life. It will make you feel better and will be a great witness to those you encounter every day.