Handling Trouble in the Church

The Body of Christ is joined together, not by ligaments and tendons, but by love and service.

I have spoken with three pastors and one church member this past week, all who are dealing with different levels of trouble within the church they serve. Having been in the ministry for more than a couple of years, this is not my first go ’round with trouble in a church. But ask me, or any of these folks I talked to this past week,  if we want this to be the last time we hear about it, absolutely.

Some say that conflict is good for the church, but I would tend to disagree. We will dig into this in a minute, but dealing with sin in the church, purging out evil within the church, is not conflict or trouble, but a spiritual necessity.  However, dealing with personality conflicts, control issues, power struggles, resistance to change and things like it are trouble that hinder the churches ability to carry out its mission.

Now let’s lay some groundwork for this.

Philippians 1    ²⁷ Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel

Ephesians 4    1  I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, ² with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, ³ endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. ⁴ There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; ⁵ one Lord, one faith, one baptism; ⁶ one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

We will look at a couple of other Scriptures in a minute, but these two verses speak to a common theme when we talk about a body of believers working together instead of against one another.

The apostle Paul frames both of these passages with the concept that unity among believers has to do with valuing the gospel above ourselves.  The idea here is that we consider our conduct, our relationships against the standard of the gospel. To have our conduct worthy of the gospel is to reflect the truth of the gospel in all that we do. Paul encouraged the churches to live a life with one another that reflected the love, grace, peace and righteousness that the gospel requires.

The opposing view or way of conducting ourselves is to do as we please, regardless of what the gospel calls for. We just “do it our way”.  If we don’t like something, we have no problem running someone down, gossiping about a leader, embellishing a situation to get people to rally to your point of view– you get the idea. We also have no problem creating problems over things that really just don’t matter. How many church fights have been over carpet, paint, rooms, instruments or music styles?  Comparatively, very few church splits are over whether or not Jesus is Lord or whether or not we are to be about the Great Commission. I have heard, and been a part of, a church that fought over whether the church was winning too many people and the change that it was bringing.  That is an issue of control slipping away from the few who love to have their way with things.

So if in the end the carpet is the color you like, the music is the style you like and the people there are who you like… is your conduct worthy of the gospel?  Have we achieved and maintained conduct that is worthy of the sinless death, burial and resurrection of Jesus? 

The main problem comes, as has been shared with me this past week, when church members fail to care if they are conducting themselves as true followers of Christ. Their concern is not being a body of Christ living worthy of the gospel, but being a place that they can do what they want, when they want, how they want. Simply put, that is the height of pride, arrogance and selfishness. The church is no longer about Christ, about worship, about love, it merely becomes of wad of selfish people trying to be Lord of the body of Christ.

That may seem harsh, but I don’t think Jesus is impressed with people who try to take His spot as the head of the body. That includes church members and church leaders. There is only one head, that is Jesus, and His body is meant to reflect His character and the His sacrifice. We are to live worthy of the calling, worthy of the gospel, to set the bar high above ourselves.

That is the first step in handling trouble in the church, keep the bar high.  Often when conflict breaks out, everyone chooses up sides and the fighting begins. Look at Jesus’ character when he was falsely accused, arrested and tried. He never stooped to the level of His accusers, neither should we. As followers of Christ, we should never become “accusers of our brethren” (Rev 12:10).  This is a tough thing because every survival instinct in us tells us to dig in and put up our fists. But to truly handle difficulty in a worthy manner, we need to keep the standard of our conduct high. Don’t be intimidated into making rash statements or quick decisions.  Be very careful of your words and make your decisions carefully. No matter how loud they yell or threaten, keep your integrity. Don’t look to win the fight, seek to keep your Christ-likeness. This will greatly aggravate those who wish to fight, because you refuse to feed their anger. If they accuse you, they can only accuse you of following Christ.

Here is a practical tip- when someone comes to you with an accusation or a complaint against someone, don’t participate. Say, “you know, we really have a lot more important things to deal with than talking negatively about one another” or “I don’t repeat things that tear down others, why don’t you pray for them instead”. Whatever you have to do, let them know directly that you will not lower your standards, even to let them vent.

Proverbs 19   1  Better is the poor who walks in his integrity,  Than one who is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.

Psalm 25   21   Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,  For I wait for You

Second step is to define the problem in light of the gospel. When we keep our standards high, we will look at an issue not from the light of how loud someone yells or how harshly they accuse or how ridiculous their position.  I pastored a church in Ohio where we were rebuilding the church facilities after they had been destroyed by a tornado. In a meeting with our leaders I told them not to be surprised when, after giving over a year of their lives to this project and spending over $1.8 million dollars, there would be people unhappy with the colors, layout, etc.. There were, and it hurt these wonderful servants of God who had sacrificed so much to make this happen. Why did we not spend hours trying to placate and satisfy those who complained?  Because the church wasn’t built for the comfort of those in it. It was built as a tool for us to reach people for Christ. And that we did. When we started seeing people come to faith in Christ, rededicate their lives to Christ and people getting involved in ministry, those little arguments seemed petty and small…which is what they are. And now years later, those arguements and complaints that seemed so important are but a faint memory, yet the people that have been and continue to be reached by this wonderful church are growing the Kindgom of God. Keep your framework the work of the gospel. Don’t allow arguing and fighting about preferences or whining about comfort or fussing about someone’s need not being met to change the framework of the mission of the church. Keep defining the problem in light of the gospel and don’t allow anyone to steal your focus by emptying the church of its’ meaning.  

Colossians 2   ⁶ As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, ⁷ rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving.  ⁸ Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.

Thirdly, fill yourself with grace and forgiveness. This does not mean become a doormat, it does mean that you overcome evil with good and that you stand strong on the side of good. You don’t have to be evil to be strong. Jesus vigorously stood up to the Pharisees to defend prostitutes, sinners, fishermen and the lame. He kept His focus on God’s love and extended grace to those in need, even to the ones who were crucifying Him.

Romans 12   ⁹ Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ¹¹ not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; ¹² rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; ¹³ distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

When we do this we keep ourselves serving God rather than serving the fussing and feuding ones. What do I mean?  Look at the passage below from 2 Peter…

2 Peter 2     19….  for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved.

When we fail to live in grace and forgiveness and rather live in their world of complaining and accusing, then we have become enslaved to conflict. I don’t know about you, but I refuse to be enslaved by anything except Jesus Christ. Like the three Hebrew children who refused to bow before the King’s statue, we should not be enslaved by anyone or any issue.  When it is time to speak up, speak up for what is right, but “let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” (Col 4:6- the verse is specifically written to instruct us to deal with those outside the faith, but does pertain to each other as well) Stand strong in your faith, in your integrity, not just in heat of the moment.

I was in a deacons meeting many years ago where we were talking about an issue in the church. One of the deacons was particularly aggravated at the person who brought up the issue and said that they would be speaking in the business meeting against the person. I gently reminded him that if he wished, he could speak against their proposal, but not against the person, for they had committed no sin. His anger burned and said, “I’ll say whatever I want to, whenever I want to.”  I not so gently reminded him that if he was the Christian that he professed to be, then he needed to follow the commands of Scripture which tell us “not to speak evil against a brother” (James 4:11). Again he tried to tell the deacon body that he was free to say anything he wanted. At that point I told him that if he spoke in the business meeting in the manner he was talking about here, that I would let the body know that he was making a personal and public accusation against a brother in Christ,  and would either ask him to repent or produce proof of sin.  Business meeting came and went, he never said a word.

Pray to keep yourself filled with grace and forgiveness, pray to overcome disunity with forgiveness and remember that the ultimate goal is to bring back the unity we have in the Holy Spirit, it is to restore those who are not following Christ according to His ways. Pray to continue to serve Christ and not just the trouble at hand.

This is in no way exhaustive. Large, hard to read books have been written on conflict resolution in the church. Unfortunately, they have been needed as the church loses its’ spiritual edge and becomes more of a human organization. But if we can follow some simple principles, we can conquer the trouble and move forward with the task at hand.

One last point. Unity and harmony is particularly needed today as we seek to reach our up and coming generations. Our oldest generations came from stable backgrounds, stable homes, stable jobs and dealt with conflict by sticking together no matter what. Husband and wife would stay together despite difficulty. A job was your job and the company kept you on so you could get your full pension. Our youngest generations did not grow up in this kind of world. They are children of conflict- broken families (sometimes two or three times over); violence in movies, games; TV shows that glorify backbiting, cheating, manipulation and hatred (see most reality TV shows).  When they come to the church, they don’t want to nor need to see conflict. Their tolerance level for conflict is very low. Rather than stick together through conflict, they just walk away. Who needs another place to experience conflict and fighting?

If we want to get serious about accomplishing the Great Commission, we need to get serious about truly loving one another within the church. That starts with a commitment to be a people who demonstrate the love of Jesus to one another rather than just tolerating one another until we don’t get our way. Eventually every church and every church member and every church leader has to ask themselves…

 “Is this issue, is this fight, more important than conducting ourselves like Christ?”

“Is this problem worth losing ground in our mission to reach the world that Christ gave His life for?”

John 17    ²⁰ “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; ²¹ that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me.

John 13   ³⁴ A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. ³⁵ By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.